


The World Forgetting, By the World Forgot

by TheMysteriousStoryteller



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Gen, Graphic Description of Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Harm, Suicide, Thats a lotta damage lol, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMysteriousStoryteller/pseuds/TheMysteriousStoryteller
Summary: If I could find you now, things would get better. We could leave this town, and run forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this is good, lol. Don't really know how to feel about it. Anyway, comments are appreciated. Hope you guys have a good day! :DDD

Everything felt cold. 

No, it wasn’t just because Tom was sitting on a park bench late at night. Both on the outside and inside, he felt cold; hollow. It was like he had become an empty cave, with nothing inside but darkness. 

They say that time heals all wounds. But, for Tom, it seemed like time had only ripped those wounds open and poured salt in them. Every day, the wounds seemed to get deeper and deeper; every day, he got colder and colder. And, he could tell he was not the only one that felt like this. 

Matt, after seeing Edd’s body covered in deep, red slices along every centimeter of his arms, had essentially shut down. He had a lot of friends, but Edd was his  _ best  _ friend. They had been together since they were children, talking about everything to each other. Hell, Edd was like a brother to him. Even if he didn’t show it in the best of ways, he really did care about him. So, when Edd stopped showing up to school and stopped answering his texts, Matt decided to go check on him directly, as he usually did when something like this happened. He barged into Edd’s house without knocking like he always did, and immediately felt off-put by the eerie silence. Edd’s cats were in the livingroom, and they meowed as soon as Matt walked in. He didn’t think much of it, until he noticed that their food dishes were empty, and their water bowl was only barely filled up. No matter what, Edd always fed his cats and took care of them, so this was incredibly strange. Feeling a lot more apprehensive, Matt walked to Edd’s room and did his best to shake off the feeling that something was amiss. He grabbed the knob and opened the door with little hesitation. 

Now, Matt had seen severe damage before. He had seen people injured in just about any way imaginable. But, upon seeing his best friend lying in his bedroom, his arms coated in blood and cuts that had both mostly dried out, he was frozen. For once, he was speechless. He was barely able to comprehend the sight before, without thinking, running over to Edd’s body. When he did speak, he yelled frantic nonsense and shook his clearly deceased friend violently, as if that would get him to suddenly come back to life. To no surprise, there was no response. When Matt brushed his best friend’s long bangs out of his face with a shaky hand, he was greeted with lifeless eyes that still managed to chill him to the core. 

And that’s when he started to cry. Tears flooded his eyes, and quickly ran down his cheeks. Sobs shook his body as he slumped down next to Edd. He was never one for crying, but he didn’t know what else to do. He never thought that this could happen. He thought that he knew Edd well enough to easily read him. He never thought he’d do something like this. He should have known. He should have  _ known _ . 

The next few hours after that were hard to remember, at least for Matt. He thought about calling the police, calling his parents, calling  _ anyone _ . After a while of trying to collect his thoughts, he settled on calling his parents, which may have not been the  _ best  _ idea(the police were probably better). But, he could barely think and he needed someone here. Calling his parents was his first instinct, so that’s what he did. Next thing he knew, he was back at his house with Tom and Tord. 

The three could barely believe what they heard(or saw, in Matt’s case). Tom could vividly recall seeing both Tord and Matt cry. He was aware that he was a crybaby himself, so him crying was no surprise, but Matt and Tord were the complete opposite. He rarely saw them cry. So, to see Matt sobbing and Tord crying pretty harshly made the situation all too real. None of them could have seen this coming from a mile away. Edd, the same snarky kid that cracked jokes and laughed so fucking much, had killed himself. And none of them had found out until days later. He could also recall Matt repeating through sobs, “I should have known! I should have known!” 

They all should have known. 

The next few days after that were a blur to Tom. He remembered Matt’s parents calling Edd’s parents and giving them absolute hell for being so neglectful. He remembered his own mother talking to him, though he didn’t remember what she said. He remembered Tord asking him why Edd would do something like that while they were doing English lessons together, and he remembered his own reply. 

“I don’t know, Tord. I don’t fucking know.” 

It had been a month since Edd’s suicide, and the changes in everyone were becoming clear already. Matt had closed himself off and stopped talking to mostly everyone, so his parents decided to get him therapy. Tom was pretty sure it was going to happen eventually, anyway. Matt had also adopted Edd’s cats, since they now needed a home. It was just another reminder of his dead best friend; another reason to be upset. Tom could also tell that Matt was getting a lot less sleep, judging by the semi-dark bags that had formed under his eyes, along with the now typical messy hair. The usual brightness that had shone through in both his eyes and voice were now gone, being replaced with a dull silence. His colorful mood and personality had dissipated into blue and gray pigments. Whispers and questions surrounded him, but he never paid mind to them. 

Tord, on the other hand, had become colder, it seemed. There always seemed to be this glint of hatred in his icy blue eyes. When Tom looked at him, he almost felt an instant need to apologize. Tord still didn’t speak much, but Tom felt like he was silently damning the world for letting this happen to his friend. He couldn’t say that he blamed him. Though, there have been kids at their school that seemed to go missing. Whenever someone brought it up, Tord and Matt would both go completely silent and avert their eyes. It made Tom wonder. 

As for himself, well...Tom didn’t know, honestly. Edd was Tom’s limelight, and now the curtains were closed and every light had been turned off. He was the closest friend that Tom had, and was the first friend he ever had, as well. He wasn’t as close to Tord or Matt as he was to Edd. As he looked up at the dark and cloudy sky, he could recall nights when he and Edd would sit on this same bench at this park and talk about the most mundane shit. He still texted Edd days after his death. It wasn’t like he was going to get a response, but it was comforting, in a way. He could imagine Edd’s replies, and it was almost like he was still here. Yet, he still felt empty. 

The only times he felt something was when anger boiled up in him out of nowhere. He didn’t even know what he was angry  _ at _ . Angry at Edd’s parents, for being so neglectful? Angry at the world, for not being more merciful to Edd? Angry at Matt, for not seeing the signs quicker since he would have known before anyone else? Angry at himself, for not doing more and being a better friend? Or, was he even angry at Edd, for not telling him anything and leaving him here alone? 

Tom scrolled through his own wall of texts with Edd, taking a swig out of the full-sized bottle of vodka he had swiped from the store. Every text varied so wildly. Some were simply lamenting about how much Tom wished Edd was still here, some were “telling” him about what’s happened while he’s been gone, as if his friend was just on a vacation. Others were angry, demanding Edd to tell him why he did this to him, why he didn’t tell him earlier. After all, Edd didn’t even leave a note. To him, there was no exact reason as to why Edd did this. He was completely left in the dark, and he despised that. 

The darkness that Tom had been left in had consumed him, and he had become cold inside without Edd’s almost joyous warmth to keep him alive. The only thing that kept him warm now was alcohol, which he had been trying harder and harder to get more of. He had been getting drunk a lot more often, which was something he never used to do. Sure, he drank, but never enough to get full-on drunk. He liked it when he was intoxicated, though. Even if it was only for a few hours, he liked not thinking about things. He’d pass out, wake up, and do the same thing until he ran out of alcohol. Even though his mother had gotten him a therapist, he felt like a bottle of vodka was his true therapist. He had found much more comfort at the bottom of a flask.

Tom’s scrolling had eventually gotten him to actual conversations he had with Edd before everything that happened. They were so  _ normal _ . They were just talking about the next time they could hang out and play video games. A terrible, indescribable feeling formed in Tom’s stomach, moving up to his chest and spreading throughout his body. His eyes stung with tears. Why the fuck was Edd acting so normal when only a day later he would slit his wrists open and bleed to death? Why did he not fucking say anything? Why did he have to leave him? 

He took another swig out of his bottle, trying to chase down the terrible feeling. But it stayed there, as it always seemed to do. Tears streamed down his face as he shut off his phone and slammed it down beside him. He startled himself with the loud smack the phone made as it hit the bench, which made him cry harder. He clenched the neck of the bottle so tightly, he felt like it would shatter. But, alas, he was weak: physically and mentally weak. He was fucking  _ pathetic _ . As he wept, he heard an all too familiar voice in his head. That same fucking  _ thing  _ that had been inside of him since he was nine. 

_ “If you want to be with Edd so bad, then why don’t you join him?” _

“Shut up!” Tom yelled through sobs. “Shut the fuck up!” The voice had been saying this for the past month. It didn’t usually say much, but now that Edd was gone, it had become a lot more talkative; a lot more controlling. Sometimes, Tom felt like a puppet on a string. He’d lose control of his own body at times, becoming completely obsequious as the thing inside of him forced him to lash out at others and try to do so many things in an attempt to be with Edd. Lately, it had become harder and harder to control. It was stronger, and Tom had become completely subservient. He had no will to continue fighting. Truthfully, there was a part of him that wanted so dearly to be with Edd. He missed him so fucking much. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you only truly appreciate something when it’s gone? Sure, Tom had appreciated Edd before, but now he was focused on every little detail he could remember. He’d think about how Edd’s cheeks would flush red whenever he would get teased, and how he’d yell out mostly incoherent insults as he crossed his arms and turned his face away. He’d think about how they played pretty much every video game together, whether they were playing co-op or when he would be watching Edd. He’d think about how Edd was always leading them on crazy, stupid adventures. They’d go exploring, like all teenagers do. Tom always enjoyed exploring with Edd. He made everything so exciting and lively. He’d think about how much Edd would laugh. Edd would laugh whenever he told a stupid joke, and the others would laugh too. Even Tord, who rarely actually understood what he was saying, would grin and chuckle. Edd’s laugh was just that contagious. 

God, he’d give anything just to hear that stupid fucking laugh again. 

_ “You wanna hear him again? Then go to him.”  _

“S-Stop it! Shut up!” Tom yelled again, his tone growing desperate. “Please...Please just-fucking stop!” 

_ “Nobody matters but him.”  _

“That isn’t-That isn’t fucking true!” Tom was finding it harder and harder to argue with him. In a last ditch attempt to get the thing to shut up, he brought the bottle to his lips and began to chug it. He wanted to drown everything down. His feelings, the thing inside of him, his thoughts of Edd,  _ everything _ . He felt the alcohol burn his throat as it went through his body and into his stomach, where it still continued to burn. When he pulled the bottle away, gasping harshly, he realized that the bottle was completely empty. Prior to chugging it, it was only about a quarter empty. Without thinking, he stood up and chucked the bottle at a tree with a screech. It hit the tree and broke into pieces with an ear-splitting shatter. At least no one was around to hear it. 

Tom sat back down on the bench, shaking violently. Nausea had quickly formed in his stomach and crept up his throat. Within a few minutes, he lurched forward and started to vomit. He began to sob as the alcohol he had just finished now exited his mouth, burning his throat and stomach even more. His vision began to blur, the distant street lights seeming to now be moving on their own. When he looked up after he finished vomiting, everything was spinning. His heart hammered quickly in his chest as he panted and gasped for any air. He felt like he was choking; suffocating on his vomit and his thoughts. His mind was cloudy as panic began to take over. His sobs were as shaky as his breathing. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t scream for help. He was alone. He was going to die alone. Is this how Edd felt as he bled out in his room?

His panicked thoughts caused him to vomit more, stomach acid now being mixed in with the alcohol. It burned  _ so  _ fucking much. Everything hurt, from his heart to his head to his stomach. At this point, he could barely focus on anything else but his breathing. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. His gasps were getting more and more desperate. He tried to scream, but could only gasp and sob. He couldn’t even feel his heartbeat anymore, whether it be it was beating too fast or too slow, he couldn’t tell anymore. Everything was still spinning. Not only was his vision blurry, but his mind was too. He could feel his consciousness slip away as darkness consumed his vision and his mind. He could only say one final thing to himself.

_ “I’m coming, Edd.” _

Everything felt cold. 


	2. A Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let your waves crash down on me, and take me away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I was originally gonna write TordEdd, but I decided to mess with your feelings some more. So, take this. Hope you guys enjoy! Comments, as usual, are appreciated. Hope you guys have a lovely day!

_ Was this how Edd always felt? _   
  
Matt couldn’t help but wonder that as he sat up in his bed, already feeling himself sink back in. He rubbed his eyes and let out a soft groan, wanting nothing more than to go back to bed, even if he knew he couldn’t go to sleep. Maybe, if he managed to fall asleep, he’d wake up and find out that this was all just a dream; that he didn’t see the corpse of his best friend a month ago. 

He couldn’t get that image out of his head: Edd lying on his bed, his arms covered in cuts that went in just about every direction imaginable; dried blood on said cuts, signifying it had been a bit since those cuts were initially made. However, the most unforgettable thing was when Matt brushed Edd’s long bangs out of his face and was greeted with lifeless, dull brown eyes. 

_ Was that how his eyes always looked? _

Matt couldn’t remember what his friend’s eyes looked like. That was sad, wasn’t it? He couldn’t even remember what his own friend’s eyes looked like. That was when a sudden thought hit him. 

_ This was my fault.  _

He should have been nicer. Maybe if he was nicer, Edd would still be here. Maybe if he had paid more attention, he would have noticed the signs. Maybe he could’ve gotten Edd help. Maybe he could’ve stopped all of this from happening. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Hypotheticals ran around Matt’s head as he forced himself out of bed. One of Edd’s cats, Pine, meowed at him once he saw Matt move. The meow was like a stab to the chest, reminding Matt of why Edd’s cats were here with him. Of course, he couldn’t bare to see them get taken away to some unknown place, so he took them into his home. At this point, he was starting to take care of them more than himself. Shaking his head, he leaned down and slowly pet Pine, who purred and pressed up into his touch. That caused a small smile to make its way onto Matt’s face. He pet the cat for a bit before leaning back up, walking over to his closet and opening it. It was a good thing he had so many clothes, considering he hadn’t done his laundry in weeks. He picked out a random set of clothes, not caring about what he wore. He opened the bedroom door and trudged his way to the bathroom. 

Once Matt was in the bathroom, he turned the shower on and undressed. He let out a sigh as he stepped into the shower, feeling the warm water wash over him. He leaned against the wall, staring up at the shower head as water sprayed out of it. 

He did that for around 45 minutes. He simply stared at the running water as he temporarily disconnected from reality. After returning to their current plane and briefly washing his hair, he turned the shower off and stepped out. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off. As usual, he felt himself dreading school. Of course, he didn’t like school before, but he especially despised it now. However, a small smile once again made its way onto his face as he recalled all of Edd’s angry rants about school. 

“It’s so fucking dumb and gay and gay and dumb!” Edd would shout, making Tom and Matt snicker. Edd always had a way of doing that. He always made people laugh, no matter the atmosphere. He was always cracking jokes, including...ones about his own death. His smile fell.

_ How could I have been so blind? _

The warning signs were all there, in front of all of them. How could they not have seen them? How could  _ he  _ have not seen them? 

Another realization hit him: Tom  _ did  _ notice. Whenever Edd made jokes like that, he would always say something like, “Edd, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Edd would brush him off. 

“Yeah, he’s just being edgy,” Matt would chime in. 

_ I’m so stupid.  _

Tears welled up in his eyes. Hindsight was a real bitch. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to stop himself from crying. He glanced at the mirror, seeing his red eyes with dark bags beginning to develop underneath them. He looked away, not able to see himself like that for too long. After forcing the tears away, he picked up his dirty clothes and walked back to his room, tossing them into a pile with the rest of the dirty clothes. Walking over to his charging phone and turning it on, he saw very few message notifications on his lockscreen. Right. A lot of people stopped talking to him, considering him to be a “downer”. His real friends stuck around, though. However, he was sure they were getting tired of him, too. 

Matt scrolled through the messages, dismissing most of them. That was, until one caught his eye. It was a message from Tom’s mother. After what had happened, Matt had gotten Tom’s mother’s number to make sure that Tom was okay. She didn’t usually send texts unless something was wrong. He read over the message, his eyes widening. 

Tom was in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning, she had explained. 

A scream gathered inside of him, but he didn’t have the energy to let it out. Instead, he decided to change course. Shoving his phone in the pocket of his jacket, he sprinted out of his room, downstairs, and to the kitchen, where his mother was cooking breakfast. Without waiting for his mother to greet him, he demanded, “Take me to the hospital.”   
  
“Huh? What was that, Matthew?” His mother turned around, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Take me to the hospital,” Matt repeated. “Tom’s in there. I need to see him.” 

“Why is he-”   
  
“Mum!” Matt cut her off. “ _ Please _ , just take me there!”

His mother sighed, turning the stove off. “Alright, alright...do you want any breakfast before we go?”   
  
“No. I just wanna go see Tom.” Matt quickly shook his head, too anxious to even think about eating. His mother sighed, and went to get her car keys. Matt practically sprinted outside to the car, impatiently standing next to it and catching his breath. Soon enough, his mother walked out with the keys, and unlocked the car. Matt got inside, automatically leaning his head against the window. His mother got into the car as well, starting it up and driving off.

The ride was quiet. Matt was too lost in his own mind, coming up with more paranoid thoughts and scenarios.

_ If Tom’s dying, I swear to God- _

Matt would never forgive himself. He buried his face in his hands, trying to not think of the possibility of losing another friend. 

The hospital ride felt like ten minutes when in reality, it took around an hour. As soon as the car was parked, Matt had opened the door and zoomed out toward the entrance. His mother ran to catch up with him. Once Matt’s mother had caught up with him, she spoke to the receptionist and asked if they could visit Tom. As soon as the receptionist said it was okay and told them what room he was in, Matt quickly walked away. His body was on autopilot as he briskly walked through the halls, looking at the small signs next to each door to find Tom’s room number. Usually, the bright lights and sterile air of the hospital would give him a headache, but all of his senses were shut off at the moment. The only thing he could focus on was finding Tom. 

Matt eventually saw Tom’s room number on the sign, and grabbed the doorknob. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and opened the door. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, assuming that Tom was asleep when he saw the other lying on the bed. Although, his assumptions were proven clearly wrong once the other slowly sat up and looked at him. 

Tom, for lack of a better word, looked awful. The dark circles under his seemingly sunken-in eyes made him look like a dead racoon, and the usual bright stars in his eyes looked painfully dull. He stared at Matt with no expression, except for a slight raise of the eyebrow and a subtle tilt of his head. 

“...Matt?” He whispered in disbelief. Matt took everything in, staring at Tom with wide eyes for a few moments. When the other uttered out his name, that’s when the tears started to well up in his eyes. 

“T-Tom-” Matt choked out, taking a few steps toward his bed. As messed up as it was, he wanted to scream at Tom, call him a fucking idiot for endangering himself like that and almost making Matt and so many others have to attend a second funeral in the month. But, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It wasn’t fully Tom’s fault. Instead, he said, “I-I’m so sorry.”   
  
“You’re...sorry?” Tom tilted his head more. “For...For what?” 

“For-” Matt felt the tears stream down his cheeks, fully aware of how pathetic he looked. “For-For not being a good friend to you. Or-Or anyone.”

“I…” Tom bit his lip, glancing away. He looked out of the window, trying to focus on something other than the sounds of Matt nearly beginning to cry. Even after all of this, he still felt weird seeing and hearing Matt cry. The other  _ never  _ cried before this. To add on, having the other put himself down like that...it hurt Tom. It really did. He could get an idea of how much his friend blamed himself, and it was almost haunting to see him act like a mother who had lost her child. “Matt...you’re not a bad friend…” He replied softly, trying to reassure the other. Not knowing what else to do, he held his hand out to Matt, offering him some sort of comfort. To his surprise, Matt took his hand and squeezed it. 

“I’m-I’m sorry, I-” Matt used his other hand to wipe his eyes. “I just…I felt like I wasn’t nice enough. I-I  _ feel  _ like I’m not nice enough. And I’m just...I’m sorry for being such a fucking douche.” Tom rubbed a thumb over Matt’s hand as he vented, his voice cracking and shaking. Tom kept biting his lip, unable to keep himself from looking at the depressing sight. All he could do was hold Matt’s hand and try his best to reassure him. 

“Well…” Tom began. “There’s...you still can be nicer. You don’t-You don’t have to apologize. You’re…” He gave Matt’s hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re a good friend, Matt. And...I know that...I know that Edd felt the same way, too.” That was what got Matt to start sobbing. 

_ I was a fucking dick to Edd. I’m probably one of the reasons he’s dead.  _

He couldn’t stop blaming himself.

Tom stared at him, afraid that he had said something to hurt or upset Matt. But, he was proven wrong when he felt Matt get closer and wrap his arms around him in a gentle hug. Tom felt tears well up in his own eyes as he returned the hug, overwhelmed from everything that had happened in the past month. The two hugged and cried together for a few moments. In a twisted way, it was kind of funny: Matt and Tom weren’t really close before this. They were “friends” because Edd was their friend. However, they were now able to somewhat bond through their mutual pain of losing their mutual friend. They both wished it didn’t end up like this, though. 

Matt went home feeling everything and nothing at the same time. After their hugging and crying, the two had briefly chatted. Tom told him that he would be in the hospital for a few days, and to tell Tord that he was sorry he couldn’t finish up the story he was reading to him. At least now, Matt had a real reason to go to school. Although, he wouldn’t go today. He was too exhausted to go; all he wanted was to sleep for two years. 

Everything from when Matt got home to when he woke up at four in the morning was a blur to him. He assumed that he had got home, trudged up to his room, flopped onto his bed and managed to pass out for a few hours. And, by a few hours, he meant almost an  _ entire day _ . When he woke up, he half-expected to see his phone being blown up by Edd texting him stupid jokes, memes, weird threats, and insults. He had picked up his phone, checked his texts between him and Edd, and felt the disappointment that was akin to a kid going downstairs on Christmas Day to find that there were no presents. God, how he missed Edd’s stupid threats and insults. 

At some point, Matt had picked up one of his sketchbooks, opening up to a blank page. He grabbed a pencil and began to mindlessly draw. 

A memory hit him. 

_ Two children sat together in the grass under a tree at the playground. One held a sketchbook and a pencil in his tiny hands, quickly scribbling away. The other watched him with eager, shining blue eyes.  _

_ “Woah! How do you do that?” He asked after a bit of watching the other draw.  _

_ “What? Draw?” The other replied, tapping his pencil against the thick paper of the sketchbook next to the simplistic drawing of a cat face.  _

_ “Yeah! That! How do you do that?” _

_ “Oh! Well…” He stopped tapping his pencil on the paper, looking up at the sky. He watched the fluffy white clouds slowly drift across the blue sky as he tried to think of an answer for his friend. “I...I dunno. I just...practice, I guess.”  _

_ “Can you teach me how to draw?” His friend asked him with an eager grin. He couldn’t help but laugh at how eagerly his friend asked him. For once, he actually felt prideful in his work. His friend actually wanted to learn how to draw because of him! How could he pass up the opportunity to be a teacher? _

_ “Yeah! I’ll teach you!” He cheerfully answered, pulling out another pencil.  _

_ “Yay!” The other cheered as he took the pencil.  _

The memory faded, leaving Matt with a small smile on his face. Once he snapped back to reality, he looked down at his sketchbook page. Only then did he realize that all he had been drawing was Edd. He also noticed some wet splotches on the page. He set his pencil down, and reached up to brush his fingers along his cheek. It was wet.

Another memory hit him. 

_ “You-You fucking asshole!” Edd screamed at him, tears running out of his unseen eyes and down his cheeks. Matt couldn’t remember what he said or did, but he knew that Edd was upset.  _

_ “I’m...I’m sorry…?” Matt replied, trying to mask his confusion.  _

_ “Are you?! Are you really?!” Edd replied, his shoulders rising up almost defensively. “God, you’re such a fucking bitch!” He spat. Before Matt could do or say anything else, Edd had whipped around and stormed away.  _

Matt closed the sketchbook, tossing it and the pencil in front of himself. That was enough drawing for the night. He laid down on his bed, leaving his small lamp on. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep, anyway. Edd’s cats meowed softly, and they jumped up to lay next to Matt. Matt scooted closer to the cats, feeling slightly soothed by their soft fur. However, that didn’t stop him from beginning to softly sob as he wrapped an arm around Pine, who licked his hand as if he was trying to comfort him. Matt appreciated the gesture, even though he still felt awful. 

_ Did Edd really think I was a good friend? _

Matt laid there for another few hours before he forced himself to get up for school. He sat up and reached his hands up to rub his red, puffy eyes. From there, he continued to perform his pedestrian routine: Shower, get dressed, put some makeup on to hide the dark circles under his eyes, stomach a little bit of breakfast, feed Edd’s cats and pet them for a bit, and then go to school. He walked up to the entrance of the school, trying to avoid as many people as possible. When people tried to talk to him, he either didn’t answer or would brush them off with monosyllabic reply. The only person he was interested in seeing was standing inside of the school near the entrance, hands in the pockets of his trench coat and his icy blue, seemingly hate-filled eyes focusing on everyone that walked by. 

When Matt walked up to Tord, the other’s gaze seemed to soften up a bit. 

“Hi Tord,” Matt greeted quietly. 

“Hello, Matthew,” Tord greeted back. He glanced around, standing up on the tips of his toes to look over the crowd of kids that poured into the school. “Where is Thomas?” 

“He’s in the hospital,” he answered. 

“The hospital?” Tord tilted his head. “He is sick?”

“No, no...well, I guess. Maybe.” Matt sighed, looking down. “Alcohol poisoning.”   
  
“You can get poisoning from alcohol?” Tord naively questioned. 

“If you drink too much too fast, yeah...” Matt looked back up at Tord. “So...he’s gonna be in the hospital for a few days.”

“We can be visiting him, yes?” Tord asked. 

“Yeah. We can visit him.” Matt slowly nodded. He looked up to see Tord’s icy blue gaze on him. 

A memory hit him. 

_ That fucking kid. He had to have been a least part of the reason Edd did this to himself. That fucking kid fucked Edd up in every way imaginable. He’s probably the main reason why Edd did this! He had to have been! He was going to fucking pay for what he did to Edd. He was going to pay.  _

_ Matt’s pure hatred toward that kid caused him to go to Tord. He was fully aware of how hateful the other had grown toward humanity in general, and he knew that he had started taking it out on others. However, after everything Matt had seen, he was unfazed by finding out his friend was a literal serial killer. In fact, he found that skill to be useful. Matt had approached him shortly after Edd’s suicide, when there was still a whirlwind of emotions inside of him. He had cut right to the chase, saying, “I think I know part of the reason why Edd killed himself.”  _

_ “Eh?” Tord had looked at him, his eyes immediately glistening with interest as soon as he heard Edd’s name. “What?”  _

_ Thus, Matt began to tell Tord about the kid that he was sure ruined Edd’s life. He didn’t get into details; all he said was that the kid was terrible and he deserved every terrible thing imaginable. Tord didn’t even hesitate to take up Matt’s offer. Hell, Matt even gave him some money for it. Two days passed, and that kid had disappeared. Rumors started up, and Tord and Matt stayed silent. _

Matt stared at Tord, the memory of what they had done coming back and hitting him with full force. 

_ I really haven’t changed, even after all of this, huh? _ _   
_ __   
Matt froze when he felt pressure on his hand. He looked down, seeing Tord’s hand holding his, their fingers intertwined together. It was common for Tord to hold people’s hands. He usually did it to show trust and to give comfort. Yet, Matt couldn’t understand why he would do it now. 

“You are crying,” Tord stated. “Why?”   
  
“I-I am?” Matt raised his other hand up to touch his face. As usual, he felt tear drops wipe off onto the tips of his fingers. “O-Oh...shit, uh...I-I didn’t mean to.”

“Mm.” Tord hummed, quite accustomed to seeing the depressing sight that was Matt crying. He looked up as the bell began to ring. Silently, Tord began to walk to class, still holding Matt’s hand. Matt allowed himself to be pulled along until he reached his first class. He reluctantly let go of Tord’s hand. 

“I’ll...see you later, Tord,” Matt muttered. Tord replied with a silent nod and walked off. With a sigh, Matt walked into the classroom, making a beeline for the back of the class. He pulled out his sketchbook and a pencil, beginning to draw again. 

Matt’s school day went on like any other after Edd’s suicide: He didn’t pay attention at all and either drew or zoned out the entire time. When he got home, he dragged himself up to his room and threw his school things across the room. The only thing he handled with care was his sketchbook, which he gently placed on his nightstand. He laid on his bed and pulled out his phone, mindlessly scrolling through it and looking at pictures of his other friends all being out and doing things together. They were all smiling and looking so  _ happy _ . Matt couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. 

He must have been mindlessly scrolling for hours, because when he glanced out of his window, it was nighttime. He set his phone down, walking over to the window. He stared out of it, his eyes focusing on every star that dotted the black sky. It reminded him of Tom, and how the other’s eyes would sparkle when he was happy or excited. They didn’t really sparkle like that anymore.

Matt walked back over to his bed and picked up his phone. He knew it was pointless, but he felt an urge to text Tom. 

[  **Matt** 9:13P.M

_ Hey Tom. Just want you to know that I hope you feel better soon and that I care about you a lot  _ ]

Matt set his phone back down on the bed. He looked back at his sketchbook. 

A memory hit him.

_ After a few minutes of Edd teaching Matt how to draw under that tree in the playground, Matt asked, “Do you think I’ll ever be as good at art as you, Edd?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Well…” Edd hummed, before shooting the other a smile. “Yeah! We’ll be the best artists in the world!” _ _   
_ _   
_ __ “You think so?”

_ “I know so!”  _

Another memory. 

_ “Wow, you’re getting really good at drawing!” Edd commented, looking over Matt’s shoulder as he drew. They were a bit older now, around 13. “I mean, not as good as me, but…” He flashed Matt a cheeky grin. Matt rolled his eyes.  _

_ “Thanks. My best friend taught me how,” he replied.  _

_ “Hmm...I wonder who that could be…” Edd tapped his chin in mock thought, that cheeky grin still on his face.  _

_ “It’s you, dumbass!” Matt yelled, making Edd laugh.  _

_ “I know, I know! I’m just messin’ with ya!”  _

Matt was terrible at remembering so many things. He could forget something as big as someone’s birthday, yet...he could remember such trivial things like Edd teaching him how to draw? Edd really had made that big of an impact on his life. 

Honestly, now that Edd was gone, Matt couldn’t bring himself to find light in anything. It was dark to say(no pun intended), but he felt as if a core part of himself was forcefully ripped away from him. Nothing really had an impact on him anymore. 

A hypothetical. 

_ Edd is about to go through with his suicide attempt. Matt catches him, and prevents him from ending his life. He wraps his arms around Edd tightly and cries, talking about how much he loves Edd and how much he means to him. Edd hugs him back, and they talk things out through their tears. Matt gets his parents to get Edd a therapist, and Edd gets the help he needs. Edd is okay. Edd is happy. Matt is proud of him for making it this far, and for continuing to fight on.  _

Matt ran a hand through his hair, gripping a chunk of it tightly as he sucked in a sharp breath. Tears streamed down his face, but he made no effort to stop it. He sat on his bed. An unforgettable memory hits him. 

_ “Edd?” Matt called out as he barged into the house, being greeted with an uncanny silence. His friend hadn’t been going to school or responding to anyone’s texts for the past few days, so he decided to pay the other a visit and make sure he wasn’t dead, or anything like that. As he walked through the house, he noticed that Edd’s cats’ food and water bowls were barely filled up. Pine meowed at him as soon as he saw him. Matt bit his lip, now feeling a bit more apprehensive as he stepped through the house. Something didn’t feel right.  _

_ He made his way to Edd’s room. Deciding not to be impolite, Matt knocked on the door. “Edd?” He called again as he knocked. After receiving no answer, Matt took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. Hopefully Edd wouldn’t be too angry at him barging into his room.  _

_ He twisted the knob, and opened the door.  _

_ Matt was filled with an indescribable feeling as he saw Edd’s motionless body lying on his bed, his arms covered in cuts. In an instant, he wanted to scream, cry, hit something, and laugh all at once. What ended up coming out of his mouth was a choked cry. He ran over to Edd without thinking, roughly shaking the other.  _

_ “Edd! Edd!” He yelled. “Oh my God, wake up! Please!” He kept shaking the other for a bit, finally giving up after about a minute or two. By now, Matt’s eyes were filling up with tears. “E-Edd...please….” He slowly reached over, and gently brushed the other’s bangs out of his face. His blue eyes widened as he was greeted with lifeless brown eyes staring off into the distance.  _

_ There was no cry loud enough to express his grief.  _

_ Matt stood up straight and hugged Edd close to his chest, beginning to cry. Sobs racked his body as he hugged Edd as tightly as he could. _

_ “I-I’m sorry!” Matt yelled out as he sobbed, his voice breaking as he spoke. “I-I’m so fucking sorry, Edd! I-I should have...I should have known!”  _

Matt buried his face in his hands and sobbed, guilt filling him to the brim again. 

_ Was this how Edd always felt? _

_ How did he live like this? _

A realization hit him. 

_ He didn’t. _


End file.
